Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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