Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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