I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
