you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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