as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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