My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
