You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
