Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
