y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
