Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
