i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
