Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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