why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
