He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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