His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ttyl tear gas
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
