so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
