so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
