One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
