farters have to be the big spoon...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
