He kissed a someone with a penis
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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