She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
