Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
