I seem to have left my pride at pride
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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