Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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