he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
