Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
