Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
