He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
