i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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