You're earring is so big in my mouth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
