Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
