I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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