but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
