So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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