You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
