Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
