Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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