I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
