the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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