She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
