I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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