We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
