I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
