I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
