I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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