oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want to make out with him forever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
