Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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