I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
