i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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