May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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