No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
