how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
